Many of my facebook and twitter followers will be aware that my eldest son, Samuel, has been suffering severe sleep issues, possibly relating to his 22q11 or ADHD. Previous blog posts have told the story around this and you can read them here.
More recently Samuel's behaviour has escalated to aggression and violence.
At first his aggression was when I would ask him to turn his laptop off, or his console. My request would be met with a growl, then gritted teeth, and then a fist threatened in my face.
The fist would be held to my face, but I could talk him down with stern words. Then came the little lashes out. The odd flick in my direction, or a leg kicking out to me, not close enough to touch, but he was showing his intention.
Since Samuel's severe sleep issues the aggression has got worse. He thinks nothing of holding a fist to my face, and kicks me often, particularly when I try to get him out of bed in the morning for school.
Now he's gone a step further. He hits me. He shunts his elbows into my body, pushes me and has hit out at my body. He is only 10 years old, but he is strong, and I know that at the moment he is holding back his full force. If he hit me with all his strength it would most definitely cause pain and bruising.
So, what do I do? At the moment I feel pretty powerless. I can't hit him back and consequences mean nothing to Samuel. Or maybe they do, but he lives with them, he doesn't care enough to change his behaviour.
Is he remorseful of his actions? No. He doesn't take on board the seriousness of his actions, forefront of his mind is his reason for hitting out in the first place. Tonight his grievance is me saying no to him using my laptop and printer to print play money.
He wants me to say yes, so he has thrown pieces of torn paper all over my husband and I, and is telling us that we are twats.
We haven't even got to bedtime yet. This will not be an easy night.
Samuel's dad was aggressive and violent towards me and having Samuel present aggressive behaviour sickens me. I'm sat here like a fool while my son hits me.
Oh Karen. I wish I knew what to say to help. I feel so useless for you here but know I am listening. Xx
ReplyDeleteThank you, virtual hugs and a listening ear are always appreciated xx
DeleteSorry to hear you are going through this. My oldest son is 16 and has Aspergers. The other year he became really violent to me and the neighbours called the police. He started saying I was hitting him (his perception is a bit different and I was actually just trying to stop him hurting me) and so of course the police had to question me. I was actually scared of my own son - awful.
ReplyDeleteWhat I've learn to do now is compromise and be clear. For example my son just wants to play computer games, I am clear what I want him to do, 2 hrs of homework and a bath, then he can stay up playing computer games until a time (made clear before hand).
He doesn't like being told to turn it off in the "middle of a level" or match either so we are flexible in that he can finish that too (as long as it wont last another hour!).
Best of luck with it all. Do you receive any support?
Yes, we have tried to be clear in what we expect him to do, and try to compromise on various issues, however, Samuel will still flip.
DeleteWe are currently receiving support in terms of his sleep issues and he is going to be assessed for ADHD, at which point we may receive some more support with that - well I hope we do!
Thank you for your comment xx
I wouldn't be so presumptuous as to offer advice since I have no clue in these matters... but when my brother was little he had issues with behaviour and was more than a little hyperactive. My parents tried every form of "punishment" going, but nothing bothered him... unless he wasn't allowed to ride his bike. Is it possible you've just not found the right "consequence" for your son's actions?
ReplyDeleteI wish I could offer more help, it sounds like you are having a terrible time at the moment x
This is true we tried taking loads of stuff off our son and it just made him worse x
Deletei wish i could offer some advise, it sounds like a very hard time for you,big hugs xx
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear this. Sounds like you need professional help, although I'm sure you already must be looking for this sort of thing. I had many sessions with the educational psychologist to try to resolve some of Evies issues, which did help to some extent
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear this. Sounds like you need professional help, although I'm sure you already must be looking for this sort of thing. I had many sessions with the educational psychologist to try to resolve some of Evies issues, which did help to some extent
ReplyDeleteYes we are seeking professional support Carol. I feel so very sad for him but we do need to address his aggression xx
DeleteIt makes me sad to read your words. I really wish I knew what to say to offer you some sort of advise or words of wisdom. I'm sure everyone reading your post would agree that we are all hoping you will find some sort of solution or happy medium for your family.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me sad to read your words. I wish I could offer you some sort of advise or words of wisdom. I know that everyone reading your post would agree we are all hoping you find some sort of solution or happy medium for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to read and commemt. I am just hoping that we get the right professional help x
DeleteI can so relate to what you are saying. I fear the day that my ASD son is bigger and stronger than me and we are just praying that he gets some help from somewhere like anger management or something. there is just so little support out there when we need it most - last week we had a really bad day and i had nowhere to turn but to my blog and even then i couldn't tell the full story. xxx
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